Hi. We heard you were looking for some cult videos. Well, you've come to the right place! (Sort of) Hollywood,Interrupted scoured the public domain (otherwise known as the world wide web) to direct you to the best unintentional celebrity parody ever produced. Unfortunately, all clips from the Scientology-produced promotional video sound-tracked by the presumably unlicensed Lalo Shifrin Mission: Impossible theme music have been summarily whack-a-moled off either YouTube or GoogleVideo. Imagine, if you will, the heterosexual movie star spewing straight-up insanity through a mouthful of glistening Chiclets...
Part 1: Intro - Cruise's doppleganger, David "The Dwarf" Miscavige does his best Dale-Carnegie Dance.
EMBEDDED VIDEO #1: YANKED OFF A SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 2: The Biggest Movie Star In The World!
Description: Certain statements stand out in this interview. "Why ask permission?" asks Cruise. "We are the authorities." This attitude puts a certain perspective on Scientology activities. After 9/11 Scientology disrupted rescue efforts by barging across barricades meant to keep the public out of danger at Ground Zero.
In Beslan, authorities had to physically remove Scientology Volunteer Ministers that were harassing grief-stricken parents and teachers following a terrorist attack on a public school that left over 300 children dead.
After the shootings at Virginia Tech, set up their yellow tent in the center of the campus and began trying to recruit the vulnerable survivors of this tragedy.
There is a great deal of Scientology Hype surrounding 9/11. Tom Cruise and Scientology swiftly moved to take advantage of the tragedy, and there was a great deal of media coverage of his presence at the opening of the New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Program. Unfortunately, the detox program introduced is scientifically unproven and a potentially dangerous process. This same program is used by Narconon -- another Scientology front-group targeting drug addicts and their families.
EMBEDDED VIDEO #2: YANKED OFF SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 3: Tom Cruise: Scientology's Biggest Tool
Description: "For once," says Cruise, "we have the whole track. We have the tools we can apply to ourselves and apply to others. You know the tech and you apply it correctly and it's KSW." This is an excellent example of Scientology's internal jargon - words that make sense only to another Scientologist. "Whole Track" refers to your entire history; not only in this lifetime, but all your past lives. However, Scientologists are not allowed to discuss this in public. It would be very awkward if two Adolph Hitlers were to meet each other in this lifetime.
EMBEDDED VIDEO #3: YANKED OFF A SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 4: Tom Cruise on Psychiatry: "Go to guns!"
Description: Cruise reserves his most vituperative prose for the mental health industry, and psychiatry in particular. In this clip, his speech turns violent, with references like, "crush these guys," and, "go to guns." "Go to guns" is a fighter pilot term. Tom Cruise is not a fighter pilot, but he did play one in a movie.
EMBEDDED VIDEO #4: YANKED OFF A SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 5: Tom Cruise: "I am a Scientologist"
EMBEDDED VIDEO #5: YANKED OFF A SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 6: Tom Cruise: In the Corridors of Power
Description: A star-studded Worldwide Mission: Impossible
EMBEDDED VIDEO #6: YANKED OFF A SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 7: Tom Cruise's Mind on Tom Cruise: Scientologist
In this, the most mind-bendingly bizarre clip in the collection, you will notice the actor's most maniacal grin, reserved for his anecdote about being asked, "Have you ever met an SP?" He bares his over-sized teeth and expresses a yearning for the day when SPs are extinct. "SP" stands for Suppressive Person, and, if you are reading this, Tom Cruise wants you dead.
EMBEDDED VIDEO #7: YANKED OFF A SERVER BY SCIENTOLOGY
Part 8: The NAMDLA (North American Man-Dwarf Love Association) Award
Description: A special kind of love, shared between an actor, a dwarf and one dead guy.Digg it · del.icio.us · Reddit · Netscape
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Now the world will see that Germany know all too well the destructive nature scientology inc tries to hide. KUDOS! Mr Ebner, KUDOS TO YOU!!
Posted by: Alert at January 15, 2008 03:15 AM
WHY? WHY!!!! Why didn't I watch the video when it was available? I bookmarked it to watch later and now it has disappeared. Damn it!
Posted by: Anonymous at January 15, 2008 04:46 AM
Here's part of it -- at People Magazine Online:
Posted by: Anonymous at January 15, 2008 09:12 AM
The intertubes can not be silenced!
Posted by: Morel at January 15, 2008 10:49 AM
has anyone put these on bit torrent?
Posted by: you know it at January 15, 2008 11:48 AM
Any other spot? The tubemall removed em too.
Posted by: doublestef at January 15, 2008 07:35 PM
i just saw it here. He really has lost the plot, this cult has him by the short and curlies.
Posted by: Jacqui at January 16, 2008 04:05 AM
Anyone who's missed the clip here's a link that is working as of 8:27AM central time.
Posted by: joe at January 16, 2008 07:29 AM
Posted by: Who Kitty at January 16, 2008 08:32 AM
yessss, another copy of the video, let it roll :D
Posted by: cyllan at January 16, 2008 10:34 AM
Read how Tom Cruise got so deep into Scientology on www.WhyFame.com
Posted by: Jack at January 16, 2008 01:45 PM
Hi Mark! I see you have the tape up now and have been busy helping decipher the code language :)
And of course, CoS attacks you. Take it as a compliment and continue on with what you're doing... I bet it drives DM nut's ;)
The Pellicano trial should be very interesting on the Cruise Kidman spying stuff. Can't wait. Keep us posted over on alt.religion.scientology
Posted by: Mary McConnell at January 16, 2008 02:34 PM
Gawker.com has it - they won't be removing it either. They've posted the cease and desist letter from the Scientology lawyers and Gawker lawyer's response.
Posted by: WW at January 16, 2008 03:07 PM
Hey, you're right, I just found the Cruise video at defamer.com, but I guess I was just a little too late, you beat me to it. Words out! God bless you defamer.com, We owe you.
Posted by: Anonymous at January 16, 2008 04:36 PM
Posted by: LisaMcPhersonRIP at January 16, 2008 11:47 PM
Like Madonna and other wealthy freaks, he wants to start and run a religion that suits his temperment and lifestyle.
Posted by: cuddlesmcgee at January 17, 2008 02:47 PM
Another good website is http://www.whyaretheydead.net
I always refer people to that and xenu.net when people talk about the CoS.
Keep up the Good Work, Mark!
P.S. Tom Cruise wants me Dead! Yay! I've never been threatened by a has-been before. I feel so special.
Posted by: UsagiRyu at January 18, 2008 05:06 PM
Anybody who would take seriously anything fucken Cruise says or does seriously should have his head & BALLS examined immediatly - - the guy is just sick!
Posted by: anonymous at June 15, 2008 04:35 PM
It is surely interesting to see just how far you two clowns are willing to go!
Posted by: anon at September 27, 2008 10:18 AM