The Lowdown on the Upskirt - December 7, 2006


Hollywood, Interrupted can now reveal that EVERYTHING - from the speculated K-Fed/Britney sex tape, to the ubiquitous upskirt shots - was all coordinated and planned by the fractured fairy tale couple and their representatives as bargaining chips in their nasty divorce settlement!

Sources report that - not unlike the legal circumstances surrounding the heterosexual Tom Cruise's well-timed split with his ex-wife Nicole Kidman - K-Fed was approaching a deadline in their marriage timeline where the clock would soon run out on his ability to pull out of the marriage without taking a deep financial hit. And Britney knew it...

"Federline's only recourse was to start saber rattling," says an insider. "He started insinuating that there may be a sex tape that they recorded before she was pregnant."

All of a sudden, grainy, individual stills from the alleged sex tape started appearing on the internet, courtesy of loving father Federline and his advisors.

Next, Britney's camp one-two punched K-Fed by leaking a blind item announcement that she might just dump the sex tape on the internet for free - thereby diminishing its value on the open market. Then, in a whirlwind week on the town with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, Britney, reveals source, "flashed the public on purpose."


"Paris Hilton and Lindsay are helping to empower Britney against the kind of cad that would trade on her body for personal enrichment," says source. "Who knows that kind of behavior better than Paris?"

This is poonani power in action: Brit's beave has a dollar value on it, and - whoever cashes in on it needs to be her. This was a political, group effort. Under Paris Hilton's practiced advisement, she went out and flashed for the cameras on purpose. She wanted to devalue the sex tape that K-Fed was dangling, and her lack of undergarment strategy is now revealed as a negotiating ploy that brought her soon-to-be-ex back to the bargaining table.

And now, everyone is happy: K-Fed gets kicked to the curb with some spousal support and ill-advised child visitation rights; Britney apologizes and - to avoid embarrassment for their children, and discomfort for her fans - her reps insist that there is no sex tape; Lindsay elevates sheer idiocy to an art form, and Paris emerges as young Hollywood's preeminent guru of gash flashing.

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What sort of fucked up world do you have to live in for flashing your vag all around town to actually be a rational course of action?

Posted by: Some Guy at December 7, 2006 10:26 PM

I think you are full of shit.

Posted by: John at December 8, 2006 11:10 PM

Britney ain't no Pussy Galore !!

Posted by: Hugh Jackson at December 9, 2006 10:01 PM

This still leaves the nasty business of who will be able to win custody of the sex tape. Maybe K-Fed can bargain weekend download visitation rights.

Posted by: Brian at December 11, 2006 10:50 AM

Yeah, I would have loved to be there when her legal counsel recommended the best course of action as 'flash your gash'

Posted by: HollywoodSnark [TypeKey Profile Page] at December 11, 2006 02:26 PM

Brit is neither that smart nor that calculating, Y'all.

Posted by: Bubba at February 1, 2007 02:08 PM

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