Operator: Hello, this is LifeAlert, what is your emergency?

Paris: I've fallen and I can't get up!

"Is that my cell phone?"

"Here's my impression of a holocaust victim. Isn't it, like, so hot?"

Shown: Paris Hilton draining color and life from her unfortunate host.

Paris Hilton on fashion: Matching your purse to your conjoined twin.

Snuffleupagus fired from Sesame Street after latest Paris Hilton sex-tape surfaces...

Before her famous nose and breast jobs, Paris Hilton's first cosmetic surgery was removing 'Goodbye Girl's' Quinn Cummings from their conjoined shoulders.

You're Fired!.... no
The tribe has spoken.... no
What's my catchphrase again, anonymous stranger?

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaainssssss

American hero knocks out Paris Hilton with a pipe; takes picture.

Paris Hilton, the latest person to contract benditis, or just plain fugly whore?

I'll take "Talentless Television Tramps" for 400 Quatloos, Jim.

Later that evening the bear skin rug gnawed its arm off to escape a very awkward next morning.

Paris Hilton, livng proof that no amount of money can buy class or intelligence.

Ummmm...Furries.

At first, it was thought that Paris made extensive use of Botox, but it later became apparent that this dumb look on her face was permanent.

Its a mannequin! It's a corpse! No it's PARIS HILTON! Super whore.

Meth is best when paid by daddy!

*cheesy british nature channel narration* "Here we see the dominant whore paris hilton lying prone on her back, while the other less experienced whore can only watch."

Seriously people, fetal alcohol effect is no laughing matter... except in the case of paris hilton.

After a long coke binge, Paris Hilton (center), awaits Tony the Tiger's (pictured, right) cock to fill her gaping mouth.

despite her reputation, even Paris needed back up for a rug munch like this....

love me, love my yeast infection

25 SWM cross-dresser just looking for some fun tonight. I have the cutest mullet ever! I have nice, firm, perky A-cup tits. My mouth is yours for the taking, not to mention the wonderful 8-inch surprise waiting down below. Did I mention how absolutely HOT my diamond belly button piercing is?

As a result of performing nearly non-stop fellatio, Hilton, pictured here in this rare unedited photo, has suffered atrophy of her jaw muscles and can no longer close her mouth.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Goddamnit! How many times is Joe Francis going to leave his pink dildo someplace where I'll accidentally sit on it!

"AAAAHHHH,....oh no wait....aaahh, my vibrator is stuck...oh that's hot." as Paris stares ecstatically into the camera one more time.

hi, I'm Paris and my turn-ons are cocaine and Muppets. Preferrably enjoyed simultaneously.

Hotel harlot, in cocaine and GHB stupor, poses for a still on the set of Gangbang Sluts 33: Anal Assaulter.

Paris Hilton showed off her awesome Terri Schiavo impression!

And that's how I got an A+ in chemistry. Totally hot.

I am a whore. Look at me.

WHAT, Dont tell me youve never slept with tony the tiger. HES GREAT!

That's hot?

Fetch me an old priest and a young priest. The blonde one is obviously souless, but I can tell by the disgusted look on the other's face that she's still part human.

"I'm actually an anorexic guy with long hair"

The front desk attendant from the Super 8 received numerous complaints about a deep voice howling "PARIS FWWWIIIEEEEENNNDDDDDD...SMEEEELLLLLLL BAAAAAADDDDDD!!!!" into the wee hours of the morning.

Fancy hotel room paid for by daddy 0 dollars
all the cocaine i want paid for by daddy 0 dollars
getting ready to do the entire hotel staff
PRICELESS...

Where's my gold eyeshadow? I NEED MORE GOLD COLORED EYESHADOW!!!

The odd sensation you get looking at this picture is the lust mixing with the loathing.

"Well, I can check furries off the list...
Jesus, all I've got left are sea animals!"

The Paris Hilton Rubber Sex Doll is actually more lifelike than the real Paris Hilton.

The pilot episode for "The Punky Brewster Reunion" was ruined when a cameo appearance of Paris Hilton took a turn for the worst when she snorted a line off Giant Garfield's ass.

~Paris Hilton loves her stuffed animals...Even when they contain extremely freaky sex-fetish deviants, cause, thats like, soooo hot.

~You should see where his other paw is...

~Paris takes a break from her "69" with Barkley, of Sesame Street fame.

Paris Hilton shown here solving the age old question of what cums first? The chicken or her eggs?

Girl on Whore on llama...now showing at www.attentionwhore.org

Seen caught here in her natural habitat, the whorish and elusive ParisHiltonBeast. Posing with her is her captor. The ParisHiltonBeast will be on display at a local whorehouse near you!

For my next trick, I'll grow a hole in my nasal passages, lose 10 pounds in 10 minutes and make a sex tape. Oh, wait . . .

Out of the corner of her eye, Paris saw KFed. She was ready. Waiting. Willing.

I'm not a whore on T.V. but I play one in real life.

Hilton and Friend pose just seconds before the beginnings of an all-out whorgy with the Snuffaluffagus.

Terry Schiavo
May She Rest in Peace
1963-2005

Not content with entire football teams, Paris has moved on to Mascots, Cheerleaders, Managers.....

The conceited whore that had gained so many young fans for doing absolutely nothing had hit a new low by forcing a hobo to shackle and beat her with the new cane he had just found.

Paris: "Oh no, my kidneys just fell out of my vag" =(

Insert penis of Greek shipping heir here.

Do I really need to cover up? I mean, like, the whole world as already seen that I don't have any tits.

proof that lock jaw can be contracted from giving too much head, Paris Hilton is looking to put a famous face on such a rampant health concern among whores.

"I hope that idiot remembered to turn off night vision this time"

You mistakenly put my caption under tormented8's name. Mine was:

The pilot episode for "The Punky Brewster Reunion" was ruined when a cameo appearance of Paris Hilton took a turn for the worst when she snorted a line off Giant Garfield's ass.

Boyz? Boyz? My Handmaid has me roofied and ready.

Paris Hilton takes a photo to remember her gang bang with the cast of Avenue Q

I like it big and hairy.

If you put your ear up to Paris's head you can hear the ocean.

"Oh Beethoven, you are the Tom Sizemore of St. Bernards!"

Paris Hilton Got The Munchies?

(rub muncher, haha)

Well known Malayalam director T. Rajeevnath, scouting for a suitable actress to play the title role in his film on Nobel Peace laureate Mother Teresa, has sent feelers to American actress Paris Hilton.[http://www.ananova.com/entertainment/story/sm_1722429.html?menu=entertainment.celebrities]

Studies prove that semen intake is positively related to levels of stupidity.

God I'm drained...you're way better than Nicole.

No, take the picture and THEN give her the stupid adrenaline shot!

Paris - You asshole! You fucking came in my eye!

C3PO - Please don't deactivate me!

Paris - I can't stay mad at you, 3PO. Now prove you're equipped for human-cyborg relations!

C3PO - I'm afraid I cannot do that, ma'am. The possibility of penetrating you without procuring a STD is approximately 17650 to 1!

Paris - Never tell me the odds.

In an effort to make Matt Leinhart jealous, Paris shows the Texas Longhorn's mascot whats between her goalposts.

The Original Posterchild for Abortion

Paris: Dreamtan told me I would turn out more like this color! Dadddy!

Just to avoid the harsh criticsim of PETA, Paris Hilton recently decided that sleeping with Falcor from The Never Ending Story would be good for publicity.

Paris Hilton gets her brains fucked out. Literally.

Paris: Hey quick, take a picture while my friend jacks off this guy [to our right] all over our faces.

(lets face it, we all know thats whats happening)

Hello, I am AJ Benza and tonight on E! Mysteries & Scandals, we will be looking at the mysterious rise, of an obvious talentless and waste of genetic material, Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton Got The Munchies?

OR

Paris Hilton Has Got The Munchies!

[haha rug muncher]

"Like that pill i just took even matches my outfit! DO you wanna make a video, like it'd be fun?"

Paris and friend recieve instructions from their vaginal queen.

After a hard night of partying, Paris loves nothing more than slapping a stupid look on her face and whoring up to Snuffleupagus.

Doodyville welcomes its newest inhabitant, Whorey Doody (front, pictured with puppeteer).

"ROOFIES?! But i found them in HER purse?!"

"uhh hates it."

I cannot believe I just fucked that red-headed guy...

"Yeah, of course Daddy bought me that bear when I wanted it. But when I told him it just HAD to be stuffed once, he died, he would only buy me Tinkerbell after that..."

How can they ever go back to the farm after they've seen Paris???

-This is one hilton you'll have no trouble checking into.

-Hmmm that's strange, a completley vacant hilton.

-Just say no to drugs.

After bedding the last human on earth, Paris Hilton has decided to move on to animals.

"Do I have to do the dog next?"

Katie Holmes sits in the background while her yeti of an offspring of her and crack-head Tom Cruise gets next in line to scratch it's name off of the list of things that has fucked Paris Hilton.

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world..."

Paris and her assistant return from Polar Bear hunting after killing the only drag queen of the group. Posing with the bear she remarked "I totally thought we should leave him alone after he did my makeup. But then Bethany just shot him. I couldn't help from screaming "That's hot!"

You promise not to post this on the internet? cause that would be so like, not hot if you did

Wanton is the new black.

Roll back the Estate Tax now!

Paris Hilton finally fulfilled her dream of partying with the cast of Cats.

"Gravity is a myth, *I* SUCK"

The good times were over. Paris began her slow descent into the world of cocaine and softcore porn.

"What happens here, stays here"

(With the exception of a few internet, Broadcast Media, Print Media, Talk Shows, Magazine, Comedy Tours & Water Cooler Talking Points).

"alright guys you know the rules, the line forms to the left."

The blue "thing" in the middle has been stuffed more than the toy.

Recent allegations against Paris Hilton claim the multi-million dollar heiress is actually a malevolent demon hell-bent on Earth's destruction. When asked for comment, Hilton disrobed and uttered a gutteral, animalistic growl.

No, Tom Hanks' mullet, don't touch that! Don't put that in your mouth, that's dirty!

"Okay, is that wide enough? Not in my eye this time."

Paris vs PETA..

To pretend she has a rack, Paris held her top as tight as possible.

Don't you think I'd look good with a pearl necklace?

Don't you think I'd look hot with a pearl necklace?

I wonder if Mr. Hilton ever thinks his American Dream is becoming a nightmare.

Paris! Passing out like that could be confused as an invitation! And, No, Herpes isn't airborne.

Paris! Passing out like that could be confused as an invitation. And, No, herpes isn't airborne!

"And for an additional one billion of your grandparents' money, you can learn how to look like an under-dressed, over-tanned street-walker in expensive clothes. I will teach you all of my secrets of how to overdo the eye makeup, always take a photo with your mouth opened and how to be completely anorexic. But that's not all!!! If you call now, I'll also teach you how to become a strung-out, illiterate party-chaser and publicity whore!!!"

GHB!? I thought you said gamma hydroxy...oh, nevermind.

"Who are you calling acerebral? Like you binge out on Cheerios every morning?"

Paris Hilton - setting world speed records for Herpes transmission.

If you or a loved one finds oneself in a similiar situation then you might want to consider a 12 step program.

Hello Mudder...
Hello Fodder...
Here's a picture of me from Camp I'm a Whore

"Posted by: Nice Jerk at May 8, 2006 10:18 PM

Snuffleupagus fired from Sesame Street after latest Paris Hilton sex-tape surfaces..."

Don't think there's anything better than this..

I haven't been fucked like that since gradeschool.

i want to have your abortion

Paris Hilton: I know, I know, I know and I'm asking myself that same question... Where is the double-sided dildo?

Teen girl arressted after Madame Tussauds heist.

Directions
Insert Penis around lips.

Direcciones
Insertar el pene alrededor de los labios.

And in this exhibit, we see the dramatic effects of radiation, chemical ingestion and bizarre surgical procedures. Look closely at the strange ruddy glow of the skin, the pallid eyes, and the disfigured face. Notice how the hind parts are beginning to sprout an orange fur, and the facial features are twisted into some sort of demented stupor.

Did Harry Winston go down on Paris?

Anorexic, high and stupid is no way to go through life, Paris

Now serving ... Next!

or

Serving footlongs ... Next!

"Look!! they're all over again--- in search of an over fucked bitch-and who's better than me?"

Great, I'm sitting next to Paris Hilton.

Don't they have a shot for her yet?

"I can't believe this bow-wow next to me is trying to steal some of my spotlight!"

oh oh that opera pill was fantastic!

'Following his recent sex change operation, Robert Downey Jr. has enlisted the help of Paris Hilton to master the art of the seductive gaze.'

paris? I think shes just a woman that everyone has something to say about! Shes a whore?? How do we know way down in kentucky..

I spilled Jägermeister in my eyes, its hot.