Hollywood, Interrupted: 1st Annual Paris Hilton Found Photo Caption Contest: The Winners!

1st Annual Paris Hilton Found Photo Caption Contest: The Winners! - May 26, 2006

It really wasn't a difficult decision; of the 131 entries, most of them (predictably) sucked. But, like Paris' own belly-button adornment, a few gems rose to the surface of the entry sludge-pile. The careful judging was accomplished via the wonders of instant messaging between myself and colleague Lisa Derrick - senior editor of Sacred History Magazine.

We were in agreement on the grand prize winner, but, inexplicably, Lisa enjoyed these three entries:

1) Posted by: MrJake at May 9, 2006 12:22 AM

As a result of performing nearly non-stop fellatio, Hilton, pictured here in this rare unedited photo, has suffered atrophy of her jaw muscles and can no longer close her mouth.

2) Posted by: PowderJ at May 8, 2006 10:18 PM
Snuffleupagus fired from Sesame Street after latest Paris Hilton sex-tape surfaces...

3) Posted by: Dano at May 9, 2006 12:54 PM

Well known Malayalam director T. Rajeevnath, scouting for a suitable actress to play the title role in his film on Nobel Peace laureate Mother Teresa, has sent feelers to American actress Paris Hilton.

Congratulations MrJake, PowderJ and Dano! You all win a complimentary copy of Sacred History magazine and the admiration of a world religion fetishist.

Now, without further ado about not much at all, I bring you the best of the worst in photo captioning.

3rd Place (wins nothing except for respect for its sublime simplicity):

i want to have your abortion

Posted by: tyler durden at May 15, 2006 12:36 PM

2nd Place (Wins nothing except for a nod to the shrewd media comprehension of the entrant):

"What happens here, stays here"

(With the exception of a few internet, Broadcast Media, Print Media, Talk Shows, Magazine, Comedy Tours & Water Cooler Talking Points).

Posted by: Don at May 10, 2006 10:39 AM

And, by unanimous decision, the Grand Prize Winner is...

Fetch me an old priest and a young priest. The blonde one is obviously soulless, but I can tell by the disgusted look on the other's face that she's still part human.

Posted by: Shooster at May 9, 2006 04:52 AM

I thank you all for participating in this important cultural exercise. The winner (Shooster) has been notified by e-mail and will soon receive a copy of "Hollywood, Interrupted" directly from our friends at Amazon.com.

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